Let me tell you about a type of man that I keep meeting —I call him the semi-enlightened man.
When you meet this man, he is quite charming. He’s quick to pay you compliments and seems outgoing. All good fun. The conversation goes well and maybe you even agree to meet each other for a drink. Later, over drinks, you find out more about him. He seems to be open to self-reflection and even seems to think more about the bigger picture in life. What a relief! It’s always a nice change to meet someone who ponders his own existence from time to time and doesn’t go running for the hills the moment you mention the words “feelings” or “spirituality.”
Sometimes this guy is interested in Buddhism, wears prayer beads and shows you pictures of his recent trip to Thailand. He attends weekend retreats. He tells you he recently took a massage course in Greece to reconnect his mind and body. How nice! So far so good. After all, we are all improvising our way through life, aren’t we? When I meet someone who is honest about how he’s trying to get to know himself better in order to connect on a deeper level with others, it makes me happy as a clam! “Waiter, keep the drinks coming!”
He then goes on to tell you that he’s very interested in the psyche of women and thinks relationships are beautiful. “Finally,” I think, “a man whose focus isn’t only on the more southern parts of the female body!” He believes sex and intimacy are not necessarily the same thing. He wants to live an authentic life, not one others have designed for him. Inspiring indeed.
But then he tells you about some of the most beautiful women he has had sex with. How they just laid there and therefore the sex wasn’t great. He explains that men don’t like models because they’re too skinny. Men like women who are curvier, softer, feel good about themselves and are able to just let themselves go in bed. He says you can find out a lot about how a woman is in life by how she acts in bed. He repeats that he loves relationships, but adds that he’s very much enjoying his freedom at the moment. Then he asks if you want to come back to his place to watch a movie. Wait, what?! All of a sudden this enlightened man wants no-strings-attached, casual sex.
So, I find out that enlightenment can very quickly become a mindfuck (pun intended).
Now, of course I love that men really do like women who feel good in their own skin, but if the main reason men like this is because it improves their own sex life, then we have a huge problem. It’s almost like a woman’s self-confidence should exist first and foremost to please a man in bed.
I want to tell this man that maybe the reason these beautiful girls were just “laying there”, is because they just didn’t feel comfortable once they sensed this man was secretly degrading them. Sharing your body with someone for the first time can be extremely intimate and requires a leap of faith. You trust that the person you’re sharing your body with will appreciate you for the person you are, not grade your performance while you’re naked and vulnerable.
So what if all the self-reflective, spiritual talk is actually just a way to get a girl in bed? Then she can start her free spirited performance for Mr. Enlightenment.
The semi-enlightened man does truly exists and sometimes it’s hard to identify him before its too late. This type of guy is so busy talking about how in touch he is with himself that he often doesn’t even take the time to see you. He doesn’t listen to you—yet he somehow thinks he has you all figured out and, of course, has to share that wisdom with you. He wants you to know that you’re afraid to lose control, because obviously he knows you better than you know yourself, having spent twenty seconds with you, wherein he mainly talked about himself and his path to enlightenment.
The kind of enlightenment that I’m interested in is a different kind. It’s very simple: put love into the equation. You realize how incredibly intimate it is to be with someone, so you’re happy when you’re with that special lady, regardless of the position you’re both in. Give it some time. You’re both opening up, daring the greatest risk of all—to be vulnerable. Equally. Sincerely. No performance, just two very brave people, growing together in shared intimacy. That’s the kind of enlightenment we should be seducing each other with. Because, if you ask me, it’s sexy as hell.