DEAR EVERY BOY THAT DIDN’T MAKE ME CUM

He’s breathing fast. I can almost feel the sweat dripping off his face. He pulls a strange expression and I think, This is it, almost there, maybe this time. Then it all stops. Silence. He falls back onto the bed, looks at me and says “How did I do baby? Did you cum?” I turn on my side, cigarette in hand and say “Yeah, you were great.” He walks away, and I sigh thinking, Another fake orgasm.

I used to think something was wrong with me when it came to sex. When I lost my virginity,  everything started to go downhill. “No one cums the first time,” a friend would tell me, and I would think, Right okay, that’s fair enough; I have plenty of time. A couple years later, and I’m still that fifteen year old girl, laying on the bed thinking, Is that it?

Orgasms to me, during sex, are a foreign concept. I remember reading pages from 50 Shades of Grey and Anastasia would cum on demand. Yes, I said it: on demand. And I would think Wow, she can cum on demand during sex, and I can’t even cum. I love sex, don’t get me wrong. I love the build-up, foreplay, getting to know someone else’s body, but I would always leave with a slight hint of disappointment.

I now realise my lack of orgasms isn’t due to a default with my body, but mostly because of males’ lack of knowledge on the female anatomy. If I could give a class to all the boys I’ve slept with prior called ‘CLITORIS 101’, Lord knows I would have. The funny thing is, I’m more than sure every single one of those boys bragged about giving me multiple orgasms to their friends various times. Even funnier still, I remember a guy telling me during sex “I’ve lost count on both hands how many times I’ve made you cum.” Really? Because I hadn’t even begun. He was pretentious, personal fitness instructor and had made it his personal goal to help solve my “personality crisis” through helping me abandon McDonald’s and switch to Lycra pants on a Sunday morning. But I digress: Boys, pay attention to a female’s body. I’m not a fucking motorbike so don’t ride me like one. My clitoris is there for a reason, so don’t neglect it.

And another thing, girls I’m talking to you now: Stop with the fake orgasms. It had gotten to a point in my life that I could fake orgasm better than I could spell my name, and I know I’m not alone. No one gains from them, believe me. You end up feeling disappointed and unsatisfied while the boy you just slept with leaves with a massive ego boost – which, chances are, he probably doesn’t need. Instead of faking it, why not address the situation? Be verbal during sex and be confident.  If you’re not getting what you want or where you need it, tell him. Males aren’t used to women being direct in the bedroom; it’s odd to them, but trust me, it’ll probably make your life a hell of a lot easier.

So, dear every boy that didn’t make me cum: you suck.

It’s 2014 and you still don’t know what a clitoris is? Girls, be confident and be proud within your body. Don’t feel embarrassed to be vocal with a partner that isn’t giving you what you need in your sex life. What works for one female won’t necessarily work for the next, so just try variation and put an end to fake orgasms finally.

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