A Childhood in Diets

I do not eat in front of my family

I make trips to the kitchen

that prove unfruitful

because I have seen another human face

and it has dissuaded me from eating.

I don’t tell my mother

because I know that one time

She was in Kmart and saw a mother from my elementary school

Whose daughter was a 0.

She was in the normal section

They saw her in plus

Shopping

For me.

She told me she was embarrassed.

So she had me try cutting calories

And the 3 day diet

And Atkins

And Weight Watchers

And the nutritionist

And running with her

Almost the weight loss surgery our insurance didn’t cover

Paying me didn’t work

Begging me didn’t work

Buying me clothes too small didn’t work

Because I am fat.

My father says fat people are incapable of sexual relationships.

My mother says no boys will love me if I am fat.

My brother says he will disown his children if they are fat.

My other brother says fat is lazy.

I do not eat in front of my family.

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