Hits and Shits

hits and shits

The Hits:

Laverne Cox Became Hero of the Universe

Laverne Cox kills it. First of all, why does Katie Couric have a show called “The Katie Couric Show”? Who let this shit happen? That’s beside the point, but still. Shut it down. Goddesses Laverne Cox and Carmen Carrera appeared on Couric’s Jan. 6 show and it’s great exposure for them, up until Couric starts spewing some cis-het-bullshit. Couric is blissful in her ignorance by pushing the issues of “transgenders”, “surgery”, and “genitalia”. Stupidly focusing on objectifying transpeople, Couric has no clue what she is in for. Carrera rightfully “recoils” from the asinine questioning, but Cox goes in. Couric presses her for the entire lowdown on “transgenders”. You go, girl!

Google Doodle is Something to Oogle 

Zora Neale Hurston’s Google Doodle AWWW YEAH. Zora Neale Hurston’s 123rd birthday was on Tuesday and Google honored her the best way they know how: with a cute lil Google Doodle. Zora Neale Hurston is best known for the penultimate classic “Their Eyes Were Watching God,” which is touted as a crucial piece of both African-American literature and women’s literature. “Their Eyes Were Watching God” went against the grain of the Racial Uplift program, an absurd set of artistic criteria for giving the African-American community a PR facelift, revealing the ugly truth of racial oppression in America rather than placing politically correct and socially conforming African-American citizens upon innocuous pedestals. Zora is a true badass. Props to Google for honoring this incredible renaissance woman.

The Shits

Hitting Puberty is Not Your Mom’s Fault

Old Spice’s “Momsong” Here’s the thing. Old Spice smells delicious. It’s yummy and musky and reminds me of flannel and Yellowstone National Park and sitting on top of a mighty beard. So yeah, addressing the issue of your son becoming a man because he is finally sporting that Old Spice is completely valid, up until the point these moms turn into freakish she-devils. This song  turns these mothers into nothing more than sloppy, sad mama bears who are incapable of being anything other than bizarre, shape-shifting husks of motherhood who mercilessly stalk their teenage sons whose burgeoning sexuality is brought upon by the use of Old Spice. It’s creative. I will give you that, Old Spice. Your marketing campaigns always hit the bull’s-eye in one way or another, but even if you look past the insulting nature of this video, it’s just creepy. It’s really creepy.

#BikiniBridge

4Chan must be bored as shit. The new Internet “trend” is purportedly a part of 4Chan’s “Operation Bikini Bridge” which has two stages of intrigue and bullshit and blah blah blah. If you don’t know what a bikini bridge is, it’s fine. You’re totally ok to function in the real world without knowing, but if you must know, it is when “bikini bottoms are suspended between the two hip bones, causing a space between the bikini and the lower abdomen.” So basically, you have a ton of space separating your bikini’s waistline from your tumtum. I guess you can utilize your bikini bridge as a personal storage unit in there, like the one chick who stowed her iPod under her bridge. But honestly, I am just imagining tiny Lilliputians jumping to their deaths off of some chick’s gaping bikini bridge or little trolls burrowing beneath a cute new yellow polka dot bikini bottom.

Author: Caitlin Looney. Comedy Writer & Performance Student at Columbia College Chicago. Follow her on Twitter.

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