For Brad

I hit a boy yesterday

I smacked his face with my open palm

Hard.

it felt good

it felt wrong

I was scared.

Have I come to resent men so much that I think it’s okay to put my hands on them?

am I that angry?

I keep telling myself

he deserved it

he taunted me

he pushed my buttons

but what if he hit me

and had the same excuses?

I am proud of myself

for not taking anybody’s bullshit

I am ashamed of myself

for not being able to control my emotions

for holding a double standard

for being so fucking angry

all of the

fucking

time

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