The Ache That Was

I think you think you loved me.

You never said it

because I was your secret,

but I knew

from all the times

you pushed my hips deeper into

the mattress/backseat/wire fence

and kissed me first

like I was the only

thing that could ever matter

to you.

And then you

left me

still your secret

(that everyone knew).

And I forgot how to

love myself

like I thought

I did

when I thought

that you loved


I let those hands

that held my hips

hold my


that I forgot

I had.

But maybe

I just thought

you loved me.


this whole time

I wondered why

my arms

were so



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