I’m about to go to grad school, I’m on an elected board, and trying to spend time with friends. I am at a stage in my life where a romantic relationship would be too much work, too much time, and too much energy. I have sex with people. I have sex more with men than with women – that’s just who I am. I have been called a slut, whore, skank, etc., but this is my choice, and I am always safe about it just like men. However, why these actions are okay for men and not for women is another issue entirely. The issue that I would like to bring up is the issue of communication and consent, again, mainly with men. What happened to consent? What happened to asking me first?
Whenever I start a new experience with someone, I like to talk about it. I ask the questions: Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Are you okay with this being strictly sexual? Will you be open and honest with me? Will you respect me and my body?
This freaks men the fuck out.
Talking about these things are unheard of to some; some even stop talking to me all together. What happened to communication? Is it so bad that I want us to be on the same page? If you are going to be intimate with my body and my vagina, I definitely want answers to some important questions. Why is this so scary? I’m not sure I have the answer to this. Why is it so hard for us to talk about consent?
I personally think it has to do with the violent rape culture that we live in. Objectifying women has become sexy. Men are powerful, women are weak. When I show power and control over my own body, the myth is shattered. And some men simply cannot deal with it.
Having control over what has always been mine is not sexy anymore. Consent is not attractive anymore.
If I am going to share the wonders of my body with you, you better expect some damn questions. You better be open to communication. Ask me what is okay and what isn’t. Tell me what isn’t okay for you. Consent makes the experience so much better for the both of us.
So ask me because I’ll tell you. And if I ask you, don’t be freaked out that I am in control of my beautiful temple that is my body. To me, consent is the sexiest aspect of any relationship.
Let’s talk, let’s share, and let’s have some fun.