Jonah Falcon: World’s Biggest Dick

In 1999, Mr. Falcon, who sings the dangerously catchy tune shown above, was featured in the HBO documentary: Private Dicks: Men Exposed. Since then, Falcon has taken the media world by storm, appearing in several television interviews, news articles, and documentaries all centered around one thing: the astounding size of his genitals. Guinness did not crown him with the “World’s Largest Penis” title, but at 13.5 inches (measured erect by Rolling Stone Magazine), no one has battled to take the public-given title away from him.

From what I see (and what I’ve watched before this point,) the only publicity he has gained reputation from was that surrounding his man parts, regardless of his attempts at acting and writing. He has talked about being unemployed in his late 30s, but refuses to do porn because it will illegitimize his acting career. If this man can refuse a job that he knows he’ll excel in, chances are he hasn’t quite hit “rock bottom” yet. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with working in the porn industry, or any sex industry for that matter, even though Falcon shames that community in practically every interview. We live in a world where this man has made a living simply by talking about his penis and allowing a few important people to measure it. Yeah, that’s definitely not as “degrading” as working in the porn industry.

Photograph by: Mary Ellen Mark via Rolling Stone

MTV even refers to his penis as a “gift,” and Falcon brags about being able to “suck myself until I was 18“. In that interview, Falcon was even asked if he needed a girl with an extra deep vagina (because all dicks NEED the most perfect-fitting vagina). What I find unusual yet unsurprising about all of these interviews, is that they never address Jonah’s attraction to males. In earlier interviews, he admits to bi-sexuality, because many are scared of his size and he’ll take what he can get. In his new music video above, his sexuality is addressed again, featuring interested males and a sexually charged female. All positive reactions.

When asked, Falcon is quick to point out that most reactions are satisfactory or above. We were really worried about that. In an interview with “Strange Sex”, Falcon’s friend who is proud of his own size as well, explains, “Is Jonah promiscuous? Well… how could you not be when you’re that much of a novelty value?” and also that “luck has nothing to do with it.” Falcon proves this by bragging to a first date about being “sort-of” famous, and telling her the exact measurement of his penis, all over an elegant dinner. He’s clearly super smooth with the ladies…

Although these interviews are borderline sarcastic with Mr. Falcon, he’s in on the joke and he’s ready to cash in. The more serious issue is that unlike many women who have extremely large breasts, he is praised for his “gift.” He’s even pushed by most of the reporters to enter into the porn industry, and most of them find it somewhat shameful that he hasn’t. Even when his friend calls him promiscuous, there is a positive ring to it, as if Falcon is in the sexual honor society and is just working to keep up his good grades.  In many  conversations, like this slut shaming TYTUniversity video (it had all the right intentions, but essentially missed the point), women are called sluts just for having large breasts. While women are taught to make sure their shirts aren’t cut too low, as to not “send the wrong message,” Falcon is walking around New York City, followed by insured camera men, in bike shorts that completely outline his member. And he’s getting paid for it. I’m totally surprised that nobody has told him that he’s “asking for it,” or cat-called at him to let them suck it because of the way he flaunts his “masculinity” through the streets of Manhattan.

Enjoy his new song and sing-a-long to it at  your next Tuesday night karaoke. It’s sure to become a hit. Try not to get too sick of Falcon, though, because like most of the fame that originated in the 90s, this one is sure to last forever. Or, ya know, until it shrivels up like the rest of them.

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7 thoughts on “Jonah Falcon: World’s Biggest Dick

  1. Does anyone notice that he NEVER actually SHOWS anyone his dick! Its ALWAYS covered up or blurred out…try finding just one picture of it on the web…So…you tel me…is it a big bunch of bull?

    • … you realize that even horse dicks don’t get that big? and also that a man died from anal trauma from having a horse hump him correct? cause, twenty two, that’s almost two feet, that’s like, if you could get it all in, it’s like getting your arm and a quarter to a half in right?

  2. Was wondering if anyone else has seen his cock besides his close friend and these ‘special’ people who measured it. I doubt if he gets any REAL good sex. Most women would prefer to keep their uterus’ intact.

  3. I have actually seen his penis. If you watch the documentary about him, he will, at some point, show his penis. There are also photos of it. The documentary is more believable because he disrobes and viola.

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