UAlbany Crushes: Craigslist Sex for Students

I got a Facebook friend request from a bogus name about a week ago. The account had no friends and in the place where it usually says the person’s nickname, it read “UAlbany Crushes“. I declined that sucker faster than the cyber-sphere could handle. (Little did I know, that fake account would become University of Albany’s newest fad.)

When I was a freshman, we had CollegeACB.com, which was an anonymous forum, mostly used to trash other students. Before CollegeACB, there was JuicyCampus.com, used for a similar purpose. What happened to these sites? They got shut down due to the ridiculous amount of cyber bullying. The online harassment on these sites was so horrible, it was even rumored to have driven some victims to suicide. (These rumors spread like wildfire after CollegeACB was shut down.) On these now nostalgic sites, there were surprisingly a lot of positive forum topics. (I was even voted for a couple of times in the “Nicest Jews of UAlbany” thread) Although, when it boils down to it, the negative comments definitely outweighed the positive ones in nature. For every vote or two I got for being the nicest, there was some other anon posting their disapproval. I can remember, practically word-for-word, the post which said “if by nice, you mean annoying”, but I can’t remember what the positive posts said at all.

UAlbany Crushes doesn’t have its own website, only a googledoc where you can anonymously submit info about your crush and they also have a Facebook page. Some of my favorite submissions include #178 – “The scooter kid on Colonial could get it anyway he wants it.” and #235 – “Mitch Earleywine: Please sit on my face.”  These are the love letters of the college generation.

In a way, I’m really proud of how sex positive our generation is. There are straight and queer posts, from all genders, on the feed, all which have been treated fairly respectfully. Though I’m sure 50% of the posts are trolls, its kind of pleasing to see that people are open about sexual pleasure, on all sides of the spectrum.

There are downsides to this honesty, too. Reason number one being: It’s creepy. There have been some accounts of people saying that they have felt stalked after reading these anonymous submissions. Unlike a cat-call on the street, these letters are posted for all the public to read. Senders writing things like #221, “I have been eyeing you ever since I saw you walk up the dutch tower stairs. That blonde hair is beyond sexy.” are sexualizing the receiver of their message without that person’s permission. Even though this feels like harmless fun on the internet from a bunch of 18-22 year olds, its sexual harassment and can lead to a reader feeling objectified and fearful.

I’m not here to spoil the fun. I’m really proud of the way people are able to open up about their sexual wants and needs. Kudos to you for your honesty and bravery.Curious about how creepy everyone else thinks this is, I contacted some of the admired to ask how they feel about their admirers. Rebecca B told me “I didn’t even know about the page until my friend tagged me in the post that someone wrote about me. I thought the post was so sweet and I didn’t mind that they wrote about me! But I probably wouldn’t feel the same way if someone had written something mean so I guess it depends on the situation. However, today I was very flattered and the page just seems like a funny idea.”

I’m still nervous about the nature of some of these posts. When someone sends in a message about how they love all girls in yoga pants and how we should keep it up because our asses look delicious, I get a little worried. I don’t wear my clothes just for your boner, mister. Frankly, it makes me feel a little uncomfortable that when people are given the chance to be anonymous, they have no problem admitting to who the inspiration for their daily masturbation is. This isn’t craigslist missed connections. This perpetuates rape culture because we’re allowing people to make unsolicited remarks about our bodies. As of yet, nobody has complained about being objectified, and most people, like Rebecca, seem to be flattered by the attention.

The more surprising posts are, in fact, the ones from men who have come under a hard case of Nice Guy Syndrome. #545 writes, “If I’ve learned anything from this page it’s that girls love being told they’re pretty, hot, sexy, etc. when they’re online and it’s anonymous. But when a guy walks up to a girl and politely compliments her or starts to flirt or whatever, she gets creeped out. If you ask me, girls have to understand that guys aren’t out to screw anything with 2 legs and a heartbeat. If a guy comes up to you in person and seems like a cool guy, he probably is. Give him a chance.” Women do not owe you their time, #545. Anonymous messages on the internet have a certain degree of separation, and if these girls are complimented by your online requests to use your face as a chair, do not get upset that the pick-up line did not work well in person. If you’re curious about how to approach these ladies out on campus, a fellow poster provided this helpful guide.

So far so good. It’s hilarious, as of now and a great waste of time if you’re willing to read through them. Just to make me feel better, I’ll repeat some important words of wisdom: No means no and wrap it before you tap it.

Author:

Ingrid aka lilgrrrlcreep

Editor in Chief

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “UAlbany Crushes: Craigslist Sex for Students

  1. “This perpetuates rape culture because we’re allowing people to make unsolicited remarks about our bodies”

    How does this perpetuate rape culture anymore than a bunch of guys talking about the hot girl they saw in their class today? Are you serious? This isn’t perpetuating rape culture. This is talking about people who others find attractive.

    By the way: I have a hard time with feminism. It seems to be a one way street in that feminist want it both ways. A guy has to pay for a date in order to not come off as cheap and to be a good provider, but at the same time females want equal pay. Girl wants equal pay for the same job. But, if there are two delivery people, one male and one female, and there is a 150 pound box and a 10 pound box to be delivered, who do you think is going to carry the 150 pound box? Equal pay for equal work. Not equal pay because you think you’re doing equal work.

    Further: a girl can’t “technically” consent to sex if they are drunk, yet, being drunk isn’t an excuse for any crime under the law. Double standard much?

    Good read non-the-less. I dislike the idea of the page and think it’s rather immature, and something that I would see high-schoolers doing.

  2. Also, as expected, you forget to mention that the comments are going both ways. Please tell me that you’re also worried about men getting raped because of this as-well?

  3. The “unsolicited remarks about on our bodies” was all-gender-inclusive, meaning that it was directed at all genders. I do worry about men getting raped, but for different reasons. Men are often pressured to stay quiet, and most men don’t even know when they have been raped because they are socialized to think they should always enjoy sex. Comments like this contribute to rape culture when they say things like the examples I had used in the article, because it over sexualizes things that aren’t meant to be sexualized. (i.e. yoga pants) People do not wear yoga pants so you can get off to the site of their ass.
    The truth is, I am female, so I can’t speak much for males. I always encourage males to participate in our discussions and also submit to our site. Men DO face pressures in our society, but they are very different. And, I think most men (especially white men) don’t acknowledge that they have privilege. As we’ve written in other articles, for example the Jon Hamm piece, men have been objectified but they have the right to stand up for themselves, and when they speak up about it, they are usually heard. That is a privilege that women are not afforded.

    You raise a lot of other very important questions, that I will definitely pressure to our contributors to write about. Especially how you feel about paying for dates. I, myself, always go half-sies. We have someone (a heterosexual male) working on an article about paying for drinks, and hopefully you’ll find some male wisdom on feminism in that publication.

    If you have any further questions, want to get involved, or express more of your concern on why you think this is an immature conversation, feel free to send an email to Btopia.Mag@gmail.com

    • “Good read non-the-less. I dislike the idea of the page and think it’s rather immature, and something that I would see high-schoolers doing.” (what I wrote in my first reponse)

      Was in reference to the ualbany page that this piece was written about, sorry for that being unclear. I did enjoy reading what you wrote because I was wondering when someone would speak up about it.

      However, I really disliked how this article on this site portrayed men as the ONLY one’s on the Ualbany page gawking at women. Several comments, are directed at males. Perhaps this trend is more noticeable if you follow @UA_Crushes on twitter. (Then again, I follow neither page but have glanced at both)

      “I, myself, always go half-sies. We have someone (a heterosexual male) working on an article about paying for drinks, and hopefully you’ll find some male wisdom on feminism in that publication.”

      It’s not about going halfsies. It’s about the standards society places on men regardless of some females offering. I’ve gone out with several girls on dinner dates when I was 18-20. Only one girl has EVEN OFFERED to pay. I no longer take girls out to eat unless we have been dating a while and/or are in a relationship. And I definitely do not buy them drinks at the bar.

      On a side note; females are guilty of the same things men are being accused of. I know of a girl who was shut down repeatedly over the course of a night by a particular guy, and even when he was drunk. Only for them to go back to her house (because he was staying at a mutual friends house where she lived) and have her give him more to drink. Even though he had kept saying no to even making out with her the whole night, he eventually got so drunk he ended up having sex with her. The chances of this male being able to complain to the police about it and have something done? Less than if the reverse had happened to a female. Where’s “white male privilege now?”

      On a side note; perhaps I will email when I have a moment, but I strongly disbelieve that you’re site is interested in hearing from a middle class, privileged white male, who is typically called a douchebag and a asshole by females.

      • As I said, there is a standard that is put on men, especially when it comes to rape. Here is a quote, that I believe perfectly explains how feminism can help men, as well: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m87jvdYPeW1qhp9qqo1_1280.jpg

        Until society accepts that men are not animalistic, and then “boys” can be more than just “boys”, men are not validated to have any feelings other than anger or success.

        The thing is, if more men spoke up about these issues, the biggest companies would back men up on it. Men are allotted a much stronger voice than other genders.

        We’re interested in all and every opinion, especially ones that can strengthen ours. One of the most important things to remember is that feminism is just “theory” and that it’s always changing. There are new waves, which have evolved to be incredibly more inclusive than the ones before them. So, by having discussions and speaking up, we’re all doing our part to strengthen an important movement.

  4. Many guys are really upset with this article. I’d like to also mention that only the men were posting complaints about women not wanting men to “flirt” with them in real life. Also, the men who have spoken up, have also assumed, on their own, that the reference to rape culture was geared towards the protection of females against male rapists.
    You answered your own question, men.

  5. I was on JuicyCampus my freshman year (5 years ago) under a post about “hottest freshman.” So I can totally relate. For everyone that said I was hott and agreed there was someone that disagreed and had something not nice to say. The one I still remember was something along the lines of, “No she’s not. She’s an emo bitch. Go cry emo bitch.” I would have prefered to not have that type of attention at all. In that case, the nice comments were not worth having to see the bad ones.

  6. Please inform yourselves on what feminism and rape culture actually mean…
    While your male friend may have been raped, which is a terrible, traumatic, experience for which he deserves to be treated respectfully…he is not a part of the ONE IN FOUR women who are victims of completed or attempted rape. While male rape happens, it is not of EPIDEMIC proportions. That is why rape culture focuses mainly on women.
    http://shitstraightwhiteguyssay.tumblr.com/image/43739677590
    orrrrr this one.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s