I’ve never been one to be shy about my masturbation habits, nor my porn watching. However, because of my gender, there is something so taboo about being open about it. Lady friends of mine will always say, “they don’t practice self love” or they think “porn is gross.” Yeah, no lies, porn is totally gross. In fact, as a teenager I struggled to understand if I was gay or not because the only porn that had any appeal to me was lesbian porn, and it wasn’t until I came to college, that I was among many straight ladies who felt the same way.
In discussing porn with a male friend of mine, he told me about his masturbation habits. For him, its about timing his release to the same time as the male in the pornography. He then explained the whole concept of the “money shot,” where the end of the porn consists of the female getting semen on various parts of her body, not limited to face, neck, tits, or ass. For my friend, the money shot is the most important in his relation to porn because that’s it, its over. Straight porn is very much set for a male gaze because of this concept of the money shot. When I attempt(ed) to watch straight porn, I am usually turned off by it, because it’s hard for me to get off on seeing the male’s pleasure, versus relating it to the woman, as well, a woman! Lesbian porn is all about the ladies, so to me I find it more relatable. It still has some absolute aspects of the male gaze to it, but there are far and few between as compared to straight porn.
I think this inability to relate to the characters in pornography has turned a lot of women off from it. Another discussion I will have with friends about porn is about the sound. I watch porn muted, with my iTunes on in the background playing my favorite smangin’ albums. The cheesy moans, crappy background music, and over-aspirated male grunts are SUCH a turnoff. The only moans I want to hear are my own.
Now, female masturbation is also such a taboo topic. Think about it; by the time most girls are 12 or 13, a vast majority of the boys their age are masturbating and know how to do so from the multiple jokes and references to male masturbation in all forms of media: TV shows, film, and music. You know how I learned how to masturbate? I had to do online research, and even then, trying it out on my own was an awkward and strange experience until I finally hit something that made me feel oh so good. I remember my first orgasm, laying on the floor at 15 wondering if I had achieved that well sought after feeling. The thing about female masturbation is that there are so many more methods than male masturbation (in my humble opinion). To this day, I cannot bring myself to put my fingers in my vagina. I literally can not do it. My masturbation technique is all clitoral, and it took me a year or so of random masturbating to finally figure that out.
Thats why masturbation for everyone is SO important. By exploring my sexuality and self-loving, I was able to figure out exactly what turns me on and turns me off, and in turn, transcribe it to my partner so I can have a better intimate encounter. Masturbation to me is so important because everyone has to figure out their sexual style. How can you expect anyone to lose their virginity without having navigated their genitals before-hand?